Put On Your Boots. More More Stupid Shit

boots

In my previous post (which you need to read first to get the full jist of this post), and on the subject of the weekly Q&A, I pointed out Administration’s ludicrous excuse for its’ less-than-timely status update on the Q&A. The excuse being a) Etsy sellers made it hard to provide the update, or (b) Etsy employees made it hard to provide the update. Take your pick. One makes as little sense as the other.

In any event, the previous post was intended to be the lead-in on the subject of the improved format of the weekly Q&A, but I got so caught up in the ridiculousness of Administration’s excuse, we didn’t make it to the intended subject. In other words, it is hard wading through bullshit, so you might want to put on your boots before we go any further. (And go get some cute crocheted boot cuffs. If you can’t find any, let me know. Crochet is my gig. This paragraph sponsored by Pomegranate Farm.)

So, about next year’s improved Q&A format, keep in mind Etsy’s definition of improved, and the common sense definition of improved, is probably not going to jive. We won’t know definitively until next year, but have gotten a few hints. Here is the official announcement, and the unofficial first announcement. Assuming you looked at the survey (yes, they even let us banned folk look at the survey… to see what fun we are missing out on I guess), you noticed the survey question “Which of these topics do you most want to learn about and discuss?” Do not be fooled into believing Administration gives a shit what topics you want to learn about and discuss because a) Administration fully intends to present topics Etsyinc wants discussed, b) you aren’t going to learn a damn thing you don’t already know, and c) there ain’t gonna’ be no discussion.

#1 on the survey: Everything you ever wanted to know, and then some, about international shopping including shopping behaviors in other countries. I just gotta’ ask: what the hell does that mean, shopping behaviors in other countries? Isn’t shopping everywhere pretty much the same thing. You want/need, you go, you choose, you buy? Is that done differently in France for example? Or in Australia? Taiwan? Just for all you non-U.S. people, I’ll go ahead and give you the heads up. The way we do it in the U.S.: we want/need, we go, we choose, we buy. So if you all have other ways of shopping, I’d be interested in hearing  it.

I hope it wasn’t lost on you that this is the #1 topic Etsy wants to cram down your throats  discuss. Not resellers, not Etsy poaching, not the workings of search and browse, not site improvements, but international shopping behaviors. Don’t recall too many questions in the Q&A on this subject, or did I miss something?  Didn’t think so.

Etsy is preparing you, dear seller, for the influx of …..OMG, I’m going to say it…. Chinese shoppers you are about to encounter. Expansion in the Chinese market has long been the focus of Etsy (and its investors) and as this comes into fruition, Etsy feels the need to teach you (xenophobeshow to treat the Chinese. It is lost on Etsyinc that sellers will treat the Chinese customer the same way they treat any other customer – with honesty, appreciation, and respect (okay, from most of you anyway.)  I would say that if anything, Etsy tiptoeing around the Chinese as not to hurt their feelings, is xenophobia on the part of Etsyinc, not the sellers.

So, be prepared for what is first on the Etsy agenda. And secondly,

#2: All things shipping.  Now there’s a topic sellers have been yearning to know more about. Imagine. They are going to waste an entire Q&A session on the topic of shipping. I bet that will get all of about 18 discussion participants. (Can’t you hear the cupcakes: “Oh goodygoodygoody!!! we are going to talk about shipping this week!! Thank you Etsy, thank you. I love you and I love shipping too.ooo.ooo! Come back next week and talk to us about brooms!)

#3: (heeee…hehe… this one is funny) How to get noticed and featured by Etsy and the press. Let’s first tackle the how-to with the press. The way to get featured by the press is to do something totally illegal, obnoxious or way off base. Because if you think you are going to get featured for your sweet little shop and its big time success, well… you are more likely to do something totally illegal, obnoxious or way off base…. which isn’t very likely, is it?

As to how to get noticed and featured by Etsy, don’t shoot the messenger, but for 90% of sellers it just ain’t gonna’ happen. And administration is going to spend a Q&A session explaining to you why this is so. Of course, it won’t be presented that way. It will be presented as here is what you need to do to get noticed…. then they will throw out that tired old canned response about good pictures, seo, blablabla. If you want, just dig around in the forums and go ahead and read the response and be done with it.

#4 Etsy Headquarters and B-Corp Team: Here again, I don’t remember anyone in the past Q&As asking about Etsy Headquarters, or B-Corp……..Oh, I get it! This is the April 1st topic and is really one big joke. (I really want to stop right here and make fun of all the ridiculous, childish things at Etsy HQ, and to talk about the fallacy that is B-Corp; but because each of those is so laughable special it deserves its very own post.)

#5 Tips to improve your shop and save you time. Ho hum. I’ll go ahead and tip you on how to save some time. Don’t bother with this Q&A.

#6 Payments, billing and direct checkout. All I will say on this topic is I hope we get to hear from good ole’ Joe.

Okay, let’s take a little break here and get a visual so as to break up all this wordiness… ’cause I know that is what blogs are supposed to include… pretty pictures and stuff… not just a bunch of words… that really turns readers off… blog readers want it quick… and they want it pretty…. so here you go…. a pretty picture:

giraffe

This photo was taken on my latest adventure into the beautiful South African grasslands where this long-necked fellow ambled over and begged to have his photo taken … not really… I snagged it from allfreedownload.com. (Told you to wear your boots.)

Okay, visual break over. Back to the subject.

#7 on the survey:  Think like a buyer and buyer behavior. Hey, I’ve got a novel approach. Instead of Etsy telling us how the buyer thinks and behaves, let’s go straight to the source.  I’m sure Etsy will reach out to this bye-buyer to participate in the Q&A and give her opinion;  to do otherwise would be in “poor form.”

#8 is Marketplace Integrity and how they handle flaggings and policy violations. There is just too much to cover on this subject, so we will save it for a later post. But. You can bet your sweet ass this is one Q&A where no legitimate questions and no honest answers will materialize. And I honestly can hardly wait to see how Administration handles this. (Note to self: wear boots.)

TO BE CONTINUED

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2 thoughts on “Put On Your Boots. More More Stupid Shit

  1. I thought shopping in China involved a lot of haggling. Although, I shop online from China a lot. I love Aliexpress. And the places I order supplies from of course.

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